2020: A year to remember

 Before I even begin talking about this year, an ode to a dear friend who inspired me to pen down how this year has been. I have been writing for a long time now and this year saw a transition as I started writing for independent media houses but I had not written personal stuff for long. So, this one is for that inspiration, for my dear friend and confidante.

2020: A year that will be remembered for how it impacted millions of people across the world in million different ways. It would take a separate post to even acknowledge the kind of changes occured in our lives as inhabitants of planet earth this year. This post is, however, reserved for the changes I experienced as an individual within and around me. 

Two years ago, I had taken a detour from my personal and professional life as I decided to quit my job and pursue a postgraduation in a city thousands of kilometers away from my hometown, my comfort zone. Little did I know what I was getting into would end up redefining the idea of home and comfort for me. The last two years as a student gave me a lot to cherish for a lifetime. These blessings were in the form of perspectives and people. I met beautiful people who helped me meet myself. I cannot begin to list them or their contribution here as it would take a lifetime to do so. It’s safe to say that I discovered an unfamiliar side of myself as I interacted with these people. And this side was not all rosy, it was more bushy. I started noticing harmful patterns of my behaviour and got interested in the practice of self-development. 

This year has been particularly helpful in pushing me out of my comfort zone. I found myself stuck in a 3BHK with just one person next to me for close to three months. Now, I have lived most of my life in a joint family but I wasn’t very comfortable opening up to people around me, sharing a common space or being vulnerable. These three months with my roommate tested me on multiple grounds. We cooked together, shared household chores, disagreed on some trivial matters and figured out ways to communicate in the language each one of us understood. Please note that both of us speak Hindi and English, by language I mean the ways each of us adopt to express discomfort. For instance, when I get upset, I tend to go silent and withdraw. When she gets upset she prefers communicating that. We learnt how to accommodate our individual needs and appreciate our bond. It was definitely not easy given the other things going on within and around us but it was certainly worth it. Those three months we spent together made me appreciate her more than I could have done otherwise.

The experience I gained in the first half of the year helped me immensely in the second half as I experienced and engaged with other significant relationships. Again, I love to communicate but not to be vulnerable. This is something that’s essential when you share your life with someone and consequently I had to step out of my comfort zone. Human connections are as risky as they are rewarding. The more you give the more you get. The more you invest the more you stand to lose. There’s always a risk associated with any kind of human bond. This year helped me appreciate the rewards associated with the risk. One of the most significant gains this year have been an increased willingness, openness and comfort in forming and maintaining human relationships. I formed a strengthened bond with people related to me by blood as well as the ones related to me by tears. I managed to get closure that was due for almost a decade and found kind souls who helped me sail through the storm this year.  

Professionally, the year has been annoyingly interesting. Remember, I had to quit a job to pursue a second post graduation? I was among those post graduates who entered a world with increasing unemployment. In my case, I was entering a space as a fresher with no clue as to what I want to do. There were expectations that I had to meet but no way in sight. I applied for a few positions but couldn’t really secure a regular job. Some of those rejections were actually devastating as I thought I was a good candidate. I still don’t have a regular well paying job that could justify my qualification, competence and experience. But what I managed to gain all this while (other than weight, of course) is faith in my own abilities. I was fortunate enough to get freelancing opportunities where I got to work with some very talented and enthusiastic people. Each moment in their company was a learning experience in itself. I volunteered for a cause I believed in and ended up writing my first book (kind of) about the same. I enjoyed that experience so much that I continue to write articles for different publications. The slowdown made me realize the work that I would want to do even if I don’t get paid for it. In other words, the year not only made me appreciate what’s truly valuable for my happiness but also helped me rediscover my calling.